Magic happens when you do not give up, even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was studying for my Cybersecurity entry certification, while dealing with my three-year-old in the middle of a full pandemic going on, and I can promise you that there were days when I kept doubting if I could actually achieve any of my goals and I found myself constantly asking ”Can I really have it all?”’
All mothers, or I should say all humans, know the struggles that come with trying to live a well balance life, we find ourselves torn working through all kinds of challenges—from aging parents, to relationships, and our careers etc…
Every mother has once felt like there are completely overwhelmed in the never ending cycle of housework, work demands, kid activities, returning emails and texts, cooking, and worrying about finances and to add to that your own personal self-care and let’s not forget the constant feeling of self-doubt, guilt, there seems to be one obstacle after another, standing in our way of success.
While it is true that it may take us a little longer to get where we want to be with kids as part of our journey, I truly believe that any mother or parent deciding to pursue their professional aspirations shows one’s perseverance and determination which I personally think that it’s a distinguishable character reference that should be recognized by employers and the world.
So I thought I would share my experience and some strategies as a working/studying mother of two that might help and inspire others who knows.
Do whatever YOU feel is right for YOU
There is no one right answer on how to “Balance it all in life.” everybody faces a different set of challenges and even, privileges, unfortunately there can’t be one perfect formula fit all that you can opt for or apply to have a balance. But I would suggest that you take inspiration from the amazing women around the world already doing it, and pick and chose whatever suits your life the best.
As young women we are faced with so many big decisions that end up changing our lives forever and having kids is one of them because they impact every aspect of your life and I never used to believe that before I had them but once you have a child, you will forever be a parent, and you will spend your life trying to make your mini human has happy and well provide this becomes one of your number one purpose. I have often seen child free women be guilted and constantly giving explanations about their choices. I personally admire them it takes a lot of courage to make that type of decision because at the end parenting isn’t for everyone. Please know that it is your right to have a child or not. You don’t owe any explanation to anyone.
It’s okay to ask for help and have a support system
Being a mom is like riding a rollercoaster especially when you have young kids and trying to balance it all, I came to realize it’s easy to feel and get quickly overwhelmed in the process, it took me a while to realize that you can’t do it alone, and you shouldn’t have to either.
On top of that trying to have a career and being a parent takes having a good partnership and support system, am sure you have heard this famous words, “it takes a village to raise a child” trust me It does take a village or two, and it takes you making the decision to letting people you trust in like your family, friends and even sometimes colleagues or even sometimes connecting online with women from around the world going through the same challenges, there are many LinkedIn and Facebook groups that you can join to have some relatability with women who sometimes share the same struggles and are on the same path of motherhood as well as on building their successful careers.
Accept your choice & Let go of the guilt
Letting go of your guilt is the most difficult part! Since my daughter was born I made a commitment to stop beating myself up over my choices and ambitions to pursue and a career in cybersecurity like I did with my son.
Because the thing about guilt is that it can easily turn into feeling ashamed and are you really ashamed of working to build a better life for your family ? I know am not!
Trust me I know that it’s a constant battle for mothers around the world feeling like you are a bad mom because you had to work late, or a bad employee because your kid fell ill, and you had to take the day off to be there for them, or a bad friend because you are constantly tired and busy and unreachable. it might feel like it feels like a no-win situation sometimes, but it’s not, the solution I found for myself was setting my values and priorities clear in life especially at work and then living life according to them so that those around me know where I stand and this sometimes might lead to having to learn how to say “no” to some commitments.
So moms please give yourself a break and, try to be kinder to yourselves, keep trying to build a balanced healthy life that suits you and your goals and know that it’s an everyday commitment that you have to make for yourself and, there is no point in stressing just go with the flow and I know trust me I know that It will not come easy or overnight, but I truly believe that if you are committed to your goals you will find away to achieve your goals and If anyone around you hasn’t told you are doing a great job, then, let me say it. I’m proud of you because I know how hard it can be, you should be proud of yourself, so keep thriving, keep finding a balance and I wish you a very Happy Women Day!